secret note to an empty internet

please help me to think in less destructive ways and please help me to be in less pain

my needs have surpassed the world's capacity for giving. i am wearing a gaudy suit of shame here in the dark outside its black tie event. i was scared out of my skin and i had to put on the suit to keep my bones together. i am scratching at the window now and everyone inside is infuriated but they won't meet my eyes to point me away.

extraction from a conversation in which alec and i praise each other to shameful excess

me: you know what this reminds me of

alecniedenthal: what

me: especially since i always think of us as "brain twins"

12:40 PM once [X] told me about how the [Y] twins are in love with each other and always complimenting each other

"YOU'RE the best"

"no YOU'RE the best"

alecniedenthal: hahaha

me: looking at yourself in the mirror and complimenting your image

but no that isn't what this is!

alecniedenthal: no it's not narcissus

12:41 PM me: we are different

alecniedenthal: yes we are different, we are a combination of different elements

12:42 PM we are like an inverse orpheus

where we are both alive and we can't stop looking at each other or we will die

one year ago i wrote in this blog about getting ready to serve as my seventeen year old cousin's maid of honor. now i am getting ready to witness the birth of her child! time is a fucking barrel of monkeys.

CAN YOU BELIEVE I STARTED THIS BLOG TWO YEARS AGO. it barely even exists but has been trickling out like an ear infection for a long time! i don't think anyone has seen it since it started almost.

I HATE THIS SUMMER and i wish anyone would visit me unexpectedly.

pillow talk

"What will the ACLU ask me in my phone interview today?"
"They'll ask, 'do you love Alec?'"
"That will be the easiest question to answer."
"And what will you say?"

goals for summer

-do one big thing every day
-take showers
-conquer the clerical world
-be a grown-up

how much longer can you play with fire before you turn into a liar

gushing from my pores