extraction from a conversation in which alec and i praise each other to shameful excess

me: you know what this reminds me of

alecniedenthal: what

me: especially since i always think of us as "brain twins"

12:40 PM once [X] told me about how the [Y] twins are in love with each other and always complimenting each other

"YOU'RE the best"

"no YOU'RE the best"

alecniedenthal: hahaha

me: looking at yourself in the mirror and complimenting your image

but no that isn't what this is!

alecniedenthal: no it's not narcissus

12:41 PM me: we are different

alecniedenthal: yes we are different, we are a combination of different elements

12:42 PM we are like an inverse orpheus

where we are both alive and we can't stop looking at each other or we will die

one year ago i wrote in this blog about getting ready to serve as my seventeen year old cousin's maid of honor. now i am getting ready to witness the birth of her child! time is a fucking barrel of monkeys.

CAN YOU BELIEVE I STARTED THIS BLOG TWO YEARS AGO. it barely even exists but has been trickling out like an ear infection for a long time! i don't think anyone has seen it since it started almost.

I HATE THIS SUMMER and i wish anyone would visit me unexpectedly.

pillow talk

"What will the ACLU ask me in my phone interview today?"
"They'll ask, 'do you love Alec?'"
"That will be the easiest question to answer."
"And what will you say?"

goals for summer

-do one big thing every day
-take showers
-conquer the clerical world
-be a grown-up

how much longer can you play with fire before you turn into a liar

gushing from my pores

i love alec because alec loves les mis

Not a lot now, sleeping as much as possible. I dream about sex and death. I can tell I'm supposed to wake up when it starts on eggplants and walks around the block but usually I try not to.

Am finally divesting my room of ten years' accumulated objects. Algebra packets from fifth grade and notes from childhood best friends and little books I made with my mom out of construction paper. Twenty years worth of journals and birthday cards. Pictures of butts and potted plants. Filthy stuffed animals. Every cell phone I've ever had. I am starting to go a little insane over it. Examining everything so painstakingly has had a saturation effect in a bad way and I am considering for the first time the possibility that maybe I won't WANT to remember everything when I'm old. Not because it was bad, just because.

Also, why was this buildup allowed to take place?

a story i dictated to my mom before i knew how to write

(there are some great pictures but i don't know how to spell them)

"Once upon a time there was a monster with no eyes and no mouth and no nose and no ears. He saw some letters. There was a guy who was screaming and louder. The monster hurt somebody. There was a birthday party. A guy gump. (An egg popped) A girl was crying. And a person was yelling after louder! A guy gump. (An egg popped) There was a monster with eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. And the monster was sad and crying. There was buttons and buttons and buttons everywhere. The sun was shining, and the birds were flying. A little girl had freckles. A curly Q was wanted there. Curly Q was waking a monster. The monster got up and growled and then hurt the curly Q. The monster had to say he was sorry to the curly Q. And he did. Monsters weren't allowed. But they're just pretend. A girl said that monsters aren't real to her friend Katrina. There was a guy who was screaming. And a guy gump popped. And a guy popped too. A picture was crapped. (12 birds were flying in the air). There was a tree growing in the ground on the hole. A go-go baby head. Pa'-Po' water socks. PRS PRS. PRS PRS. PRS. A comb head. Baby baby met a comb head. Ga Ga, Gaga. ga ga gagagah. Baby met a tree. Which fleece was white and red. Pencil pencil. I met a tea cup. Mary had a lamb that fleece was red as snow. A girl cried forever and ever. A cat monster took a bite out of a pig. Amy's watersocks came from India. I want a popsicle with Amy. Water socks.

my journal 2005

"I love you, World. It hurts, though, you have got to know it."

EVERYTHING IS OK. HAVE BANANA.

temporarily "dead inside"

self-medicating with lit screens

"sometimes i just feel like the internet is baking my brains"