secret note to an empty internet

please help me to think in less destructive ways and please help me to be in less pain

my needs have surpassed the world's capacity for giving. i am wearing a gaudy suit of shame here in the dark outside its black tie event. i was scared out of my skin and i had to put on the suit to keep my bones together. i am scratching at the window now and everyone inside is infuriated but they won't meet my eyes to point me away.