belly of the beast

I wish it weren't Thanksgiving I don't have the stomach for it.

bellow to urchin

"It was enough to make a man pray to God to remove this great, bone-breaking burden of selfhood and self-development, give himself, a failure, back to the species for a primitive cure."

i love lorine

"No matter where you are

you are alone

and in danger--well

to hell

with it."

Things around here are gentle most of the time, Pee-Wee's Playhouse and poetry and rabbits and mice and kindereggs and long drives alone and stealing a wheel of brie to have enough money for crackers. You were talking I was drunk about getting married and I can't remember if we ever decided whether it was possible but I got nauseous on the swings. (maybe, if I start being able to talk around strangers and you promise not to kill yourself at fifty-five "I hope you hear about it and it makes you feel weird") I feel usually bland and we can't get the freezer door to stay shut but I've been making spaghetti and elaborately decorated baked potatoes and snuggling in with my roommates and watching westerns with Matthew and nothing is imminently terrifying. I used to get lonely last year and this year I don't, really.

"I am at rest

You too

hold a doctorate

in Warmth"

the world narrowed to a point

WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING THESEDAYS

working on my backwards walk, talking on the phone for seventy nine percent of waking existence, feeling weird, eating relentlessly, handling small mammals, reading stuff, ▀█▀ █ ▀█▀▄█▀, getting ready to turn twenty

BUT ALSO

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE A BLOG AT COLLEGE

this is my new favorite song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxMafF6mj1E

NOT FOR ANY REA
SON EXCEPT I
LIKE IT OKAY

However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are.

It is a wrenching and a knifebite every time but it usually turns out I like adapting better than getting what I want.