no one knows my blog exists

My cousin ran away from home two days ago. I am angry that she doesn't trust me enough to contact me. Also I am angry because she borrowed two crucial wardrobe components of mine before skipping town and now I have to decide whether or not to ask my grandmother the sensitive question about rifling through the stuff she left behind. Suck it, Sarah. I miss you TREMENDOUSLY already. Come back and I will buy you cigarillos and you won't have to repay me even though my only legaltender is some five dollars that I won the other day when my dad bet me I couldn't guess what time it was. 

The truth is I have never really given a fuck one way or another about any Harry Potter movie even though I always go see them at midnight. TALK ABOUT A RENEGADE. 

This morning I woke up at ten thirty and turned over and had this tiny half-dream about being asked a question which made my stomach so heavy that I woke up and realized another two hours had passed. Someone around me sometime recently told me that questions in your dreams are never answered because really it's just you asking yourself. In my dreams they are usually answered in a code, often involving the word "chicken," how about that. I can't decide whether I give a fuck about dreams or not. My feelings volley. 

Yesterday our French exchange student introduced me to a person named Pierre who is the perfect picture of all things Tall Dark Handsome and Foreign. He showed me pictures of grasshoppers and invited me to come swim in his pool. hubbahubbahubba. Too bad I can't go because I don't own a bathing suit and I forget how to swim around strangers and I am mostly trying to avoid engaging in cliches and I can't decide whether this is a situation of Cliche or Epitome. At the same party I talked to a woman who dated a friend of bell hooks and she said they were always quoting each other in their books and speeches and she said the friend turned out to be a faithless unethical bitch and then she said lots of disparaging things about political science. I don't really give a fuck about political science but I do like emotional treatises. I want to be best friends with bell hooks even though she seems like kind of a stick-in-the-mud. I think we have all the same Values. I am probably a stick-in-the-mud underneath all my vices. 

I AM REALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT HOW I AM ABOUT TO HAVE A PUBLIC BLOG AT THE SAME TIME AS ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND ABOUT HOW I AM ACTUALLY WRITING A REAL NON-CREATIVE ENTRY I AM NOT SURE WHETHER OR NOT THAT IS OKAY. It makes me uncomfortable how people are always pretending that dignity can exist in the commonplace. I have so many goddamn personal journals. ENDLESS SOLIPSISM I DON'T GIVE A FUCK solipsism has its place.